Final project proposal

The documentary about Marina Ambromovic was very inspiring to me, especially her ideas about showing people a glimpse of their own humanity and about being a warrior. Though her somewhat self-destructive behavior is morbid and sometimes shocking, it is extremely powerful, and her ability to stay completely focused during her performances is striking. For this reason, I am very much intimidated by this the prospect of performance art in relation to my own life.
 My subject matter I think has always been a bit dark, but by that I mean what is normal for me may seem extreme to others who may have had radically different life experience. However, my first idea for this project is one of more extreme things that I will have attempted in my work. I have been really impressed and touched by how many of my fellow classmates have been unafraid to admit traumatic and difficult experiences and use them as fodder for their creativity, and it makes me feel less timid to release one of my more recent traumas for this performance piece. I firmly believe that making work about personal suffering is a powerful way to heal while communicating a deep sense of humanity to the viewer.  A very dear friend of mine took his own life almost a year ago, he was found with a plastic bag taped around his head. I have dealt with this very well, but of course it still affects me, the recurring thought of how that experience must have felt from his perspective is still a flashback that haunts me. I was thinking about duration and experience very heavily while pondering how to perform a reaction to this event.
 So, for my first project idea I would sit on the floor cross-legged with a plastic bag, take a couple deep calming breaths, and then put the plastic bag over my head (however, for safety reasons I won’t tape it, I’ll just hold it.) I will test my ability to endure this environment for as long as I can, and if I end up passing out, I will already have been on the floor and my hands will automatically release and allow oxygen to return to my lungs. As a precaution, a friend will be there to make sure the bag is removed and all is well. This idea seems like something that would work best as a video, the mediated version seems like a less traumatic experience for my audience.
My second idea is less morbid than the first, though I think I am still more passionate about the previous iteration. In this performance, I would be tattooing myself, using the stick-and-poke technique (a needle and ink) that is typically associated with prison tattoos and vagabonds. There are two reasons for choosing this method. The first relates to the apprenticeship process in the art of tattooing; the apprentice must tattoo himself before he can move on to working on other people. This point in their experience is a milestone, because it means that they have finally completed the long and tedious task of sketching, tracing and being “the shop bitch,” and they are ready to begin the next phase of their metamorphosis into a tattoo artist. This is a sort of initiation rite, which is the concept that I am appropriating for my own pagan ritual symbolizing a dedication to strength and commitment to my own vitality in opposition to abandonment of the privilege of life. I would be tattooing a cockroach on the palm of my left hand. I have included reference for the symbolism of this beetle below:
“Cockroach teaches the art of adaptability and ultimate survival instincts under any conditions making this creature an emotional and spiritual shape shifter. It will teach perseverance and tenacity along with going with the flow of events. Cockroach applies determination and fortitude to survive in any event. The wisdom of Cockroach teaches how to keep in touch with the world around you, shows how to strengthen vitality and quickness of movement, ability to discern when and how to move, and make use of available resources. Virtually indestructible, it will be around long after everyone else is gone. Roaches are from the beetle family within the insect kingdom. All beetles carry metamorphosis energy and the roach showing up in your life can indicate change. Roaches can also be indicators of the desire to pull back from society and keep under the radar of others”
The second reason for the stick-and-poke method of tattooing is to communicate adaptability and functionality. I am not a tattoo artist, and therefore don’t own a machine. But in the spirit of tattooing myself, I relate to the prisoners and vagabonds that use this process out of lack of any other way make these marks. This performance is also about endurance and duration; I think it would be best on video because it may take more than 15 minutes to do.