Link + Artist Statement

 Vimeo



    This video is about my personal experiences with coming to terms with being bisexual over growing up in a household that, while not overtly hostile, operated under the assumption that I was straight and thus ended up saying things that in reality were callous and hurtful and certainly wouldn’t have been said to me if I spoke up about it. Instead, it feels like a confessional; listing off things that made me uncomfortable and working through them by putting them “out there” and on video. Giving them voice. My account begins when I was around 11-12 years old and works up from there, to 18-19.
    The visual I chose to accompany this is a video of me drawing. I wanted to pair something comforting and familiar to me with something that still makes me uncomfortable and is potentially embarrassing for me to talk about in public. I wanted this video to be therapeutic for me, and I made it a performance by doing an off-the-cuff illustration that I drew as I listened to this audio on loop in the background. My drawing forms into a cohesive structure at around the same time my story and sexuality does, getting more refined and taking on precise characteristics. The drawing process ended, much like the conversation with my mother in the audio, unfinished, and left for another time. I wanted the visual part of the video the parallel the audio even when the visuals were not directly related to the audio by syncing them up in both tone and breaks. Starting out unsure and unsteady in both camerawork and narrative, and ending on a note that is much the same on both fronts.

Performance Statement

I was unable to upload my video to vimeo because it is larger than the 500mb limit. I just have it as a dvd.

Performance Project Statement

                For this performance I set a large sheet of paper on the floor and place two bowls with charcoal powder and water next to it, I then dip my hands into the mixture and punch the paper, I do this until the paper is completely covered. The idea behind this performance is to create an endurance test for myself. The act itself goes against my instinct, the process is very tough on my hands but the greater good (covering the surface of the paper) is more important than my wellbeing. I connect the act of punching to masculinity, making masculinity the negative impact on my hands. Being a “closeted” gay person, I remember creating a separate persona to seem manlier in public. I now wonder how much of this persona has become a permanent aspect of my personality and in that way wonder what aspects I may have lost. I also have noticed that many “closeted” or repressed people often direct anger towards other (gay) people and hold some kind of resentment for them. I wanted to play with this idea for this performance. Through my violent act I attempt to change the paper and in turn change myself and take on the injuries I inflict. I often wonder if it is becoming trivial to speak about being gay when a very large portion of the art world identifies as gay and has for many years but as of yesterday I have heard that in Michigan a law has passed that allows EMS services can now refuse assistance to gay people. I am whole heartedly disgusted by this and am reinvigorated to continue this discussion in my work because clearly we still have much more to talk about. This law now gives people a reason to repress themselves and go back into the closet. People can only react to what others show on the surface and apparently if the “surface” is gay they can essentially be left to die. Hopefully this law is removed promptly, if not hopefully all of the men in Michigan are “masculine” and all the women are “feminine,” because if you act against the prescribed gender norms in Michigan you may find yourself recovering from a car crash at the side of the road.

Granted I understand I'm sensationalizing a bit but I hope that they understand they're creating a deadly opportunity for loop holes.

Project Final

**I am not uploading to Vimeo because I do not have consent from Zo to share it online**

Queer Tears

This project is about the struggle of gender-queer people in our society. One interpretation of Gender Queer means that a person identifies neither as male or female, and in Zo’s case something else entirely. The philosophy asserts that a major part of the problem comes from our languages that limit the categories to just two. My dear friend Zo Bernardeau was born female assigned, but goes by the pronoun of ‘they’ because they don’t identity with the pronouns ‘he’ or ‘she’. The performance is based on their true story of struggle and they wrote, sang, and played the ukelele for it. I recorded the song for the soundtrack of the video (it is unnamed). They have been a close friend of mine for many years and I have witnessed their transformation from female to transgender. They do not identity as male or female, but as a beast. When they imagine their gender, they imagine a hairy monster. The performance sequence goes as follows: Zo is dressed reflecting their normal clothing, playing the ukelele, displaying that music is a major part of their identity. A male representing the patriarchy, played by Ilyusha Mann, dressed as a business man, comes into the shot, takes the ukelele, undresses them, ties them up, and tapes their mouth. Gender queer people blame the patriarchal aspect of society for all of the oppression against those who are not white males. Privileged white males have run the politics of society for hundreds of years and continues to be a challenge towards a progression of equality for all people. Ilyusha begins to shave their armpits, legs and vagina. This represents the patriarchies attempts to force people to conform their bodies to gender duality. Then, he touches their leg in a sensual way, showing the sex appeal to this conformity. Then he dresses them up in a bra, skirt and blouse. He rips the tape off their mouth, puts makeup on their face, and puts a bow on their head that resembles a bow one would put on present, implying that this transformation is a gift to society. He then gives them a broom, leaving them to clean up the mess that society has created as well as enforcing patriarchal views of the domestication of women in the home.

The other part of the video is a photo collage. I have gathered photos of Zo through social media websites that they have shared throughout their life. They show a progression of their gender transformation, beginning with a female-identified person, transitioning through male-assigned, and finally as gender queer. They include photos of them with long hair and a flower behind their ear I have set them set up in a non-linear way, showing contrast between the earlier and later photos of them.

The split-screen affect shows the performance alongside the photos, simultaneously describing their inner journey (the performance) and outer journey (photos showing the changes in their appearance).   

lyrics to the song:

our stories are real 

our voices are storms

silenced out of fear

guarding closet doors

theres monsters in there

havent you heard?

them taunting you while

you get clothed for work?

their chewing on your insides

their screams nearly pop your ears

crying out for your affection

because that beast you buried is the biggest part of you

our identities exist

and threaten you to explore

your own monsters 

behind your own closet doors

these systems are swords that

slaughter trans identities

these systems have taught us

our monsters are ugly

but their hearts just weep a little deeper

they just have grown to feel a little more

we live in a place where embracing what you are

leaves us too scared 

to step out our front doors

and into a world 

where we are often erased

this song is for those

who feel they don't have a place

for those still alive

finding it hard to be most times

hold on to your truths

to change most minds

and for those not with us anymore 

may our hearts always be your wombs

for as long as they keep beating

you won't be erased we'll keep fighting for you 

our community is powerful 

made up of hurting individuals

working to redefine the world

proving that our lives are so meaningful

so we've gotta keep each other closer

cause most times its all we've got

need to hold space for one another 

while we unlearn all we've been taught

and hug our monsters gently 

like a baby that has never been held

allow ourselves to never be a stranger

because the beast you buried is the richest part of you

Ashley Long - "Encounters"

X

“Encounters”

            Chance encounters can end up being the foundation of very meaningful relationships, usually developed through a continuous dialogue between two or more individuals. The beginning dialogue tends to be verbal and, after the initial awkward stages of a budding acquaintanceship, friendship, or romantic relationship, physical contact becomes another way of communicating between most individuals – comforting hugs, enthusiastic high fives, and so on. However, what kind of a relationship would spring from physical contact early on, in the form of holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes for five minutes? Would the two individuals performing this action together communicate in nonverbal ways, developing a relationship through a form of silent dialogue?

            This question was a large part in inspiring this project. Knowing that strangers, in certain situations, can have a large impact on someone’s life even in a short span of time is an interesting and wonderful concept. Marina Abramović, for example, only had to acknowledge anyone that sat in front of her, and the responses from that short interaction were astounding. People would start crying or feel so inclined as to strip themselves, which was entirely unexpected, but that’s exactly the point. When two people are made to acknowledge each other, what will their reactions be? As emotional as the partakers in Abramović’s The Artist is Present, or will it more likely be awkward and tense since both individuals are strangers to one another, and neither is a well-known artist.

            With this project, I asked several strangers to sit across from each other at a table and hold hands, looking into each other’s eyes for five minutes without any verbal communication. I interviewed them before and after, asking questions regarding the activity and gauging how uncomfortable they might be during the activity compared to how they felt afterwards. This project, while being focused on the silent interactions of strangers, was also an exercise in openly acknowledging those unknown to ourselves and willingly doing so for an extended period of time. We, as a human race, are so divided by our own labels and attempts to catalogue one another that we force ourselves into societal boxes and ignore, for the most part, anyone outside of them. We are all strangers to on another, but we are all also people deserving to be acknowledged and embraced by one another.

It was nice to see those boxes willingly forced open, if only for five minutes.

In Class Exercise - "Inner Paper"

https://vimeo.com/113535761

Yes Men Inspired Performance Piece - Exercise

LINK

This piece is a sort of more satirical look at the themes the Yes Men explored; the ideal situation in an unnecessarily conflicted issue. Basically doing what's obviously right. Their Dow Chemical piece made the company into even more of a bad guy by making them come out and say they wouldn't follow up with all of the humanitarian promises made. Mine kind of makes the people and the government of this country look and feel similarly.

in class proj 12/3/14

http://vimeo.com/113537955

In 1965 Alberto Greco committed suicide in Barcelona. While his overdose took effect, Greco wrote the word "FIN" (end) on his left palm and the words "This is my best work" across the wall, framing his death as art and a performance piece. 

I want to subvert that.