Project Final

**I am not uploading to Vimeo because I do not have consent from Zo to share it online**

Queer Tears

This project is about the struggle of gender-queer people in our society. One interpretation of Gender Queer means that a person identifies neither as male or female, and in Zo’s case something else entirely. The philosophy asserts that a major part of the problem comes from our languages that limit the categories to just two. My dear friend Zo Bernardeau was born female assigned, but goes by the pronoun of ‘they’ because they don’t identity with the pronouns ‘he’ or ‘she’. The performance is based on their true story of struggle and they wrote, sang, and played the ukelele for it. I recorded the song for the soundtrack of the video (it is unnamed). They have been a close friend of mine for many years and I have witnessed their transformation from female to transgender. They do not identity as male or female, but as a beast. When they imagine their gender, they imagine a hairy monster. The performance sequence goes as follows: Zo is dressed reflecting their normal clothing, playing the ukelele, displaying that music is a major part of their identity. A male representing the patriarchy, played by Ilyusha Mann, dressed as a business man, comes into the shot, takes the ukelele, undresses them, ties them up, and tapes their mouth. Gender queer people blame the patriarchal aspect of society for all of the oppression against those who are not white males. Privileged white males have run the politics of society for hundreds of years and continues to be a challenge towards a progression of equality for all people. Ilyusha begins to shave their armpits, legs and vagina. This represents the patriarchies attempts to force people to conform their bodies to gender duality. Then, he touches their leg in a sensual way, showing the sex appeal to this conformity. Then he dresses them up in a bra, skirt and blouse. He rips the tape off their mouth, puts makeup on their face, and puts a bow on their head that resembles a bow one would put on present, implying that this transformation is a gift to society. He then gives them a broom, leaving them to clean up the mess that society has created as well as enforcing patriarchal views of the domestication of women in the home.

The other part of the video is a photo collage. I have gathered photos of Zo through social media websites that they have shared throughout their life. They show a progression of their gender transformation, beginning with a female-identified person, transitioning through male-assigned, and finally as gender queer. They include photos of them with long hair and a flower behind their ear I have set them set up in a non-linear way, showing contrast between the earlier and later photos of them.

The split-screen affect shows the performance alongside the photos, simultaneously describing their inner journey (the performance) and outer journey (photos showing the changes in their appearance).   

lyrics to the song:

our stories are real 

our voices are storms

silenced out of fear

guarding closet doors

theres monsters in there

havent you heard?

them taunting you while

you get clothed for work?

their chewing on your insides

their screams nearly pop your ears

crying out for your affection

because that beast you buried is the biggest part of you

our identities exist

and threaten you to explore

your own monsters 

behind your own closet doors

these systems are swords that

slaughter trans identities

these systems have taught us

our monsters are ugly

but their hearts just weep a little deeper

they just have grown to feel a little more

we live in a place where embracing what you are

leaves us too scared 

to step out our front doors

and into a world 

where we are often erased

this song is for those

who feel they don't have a place

for those still alive

finding it hard to be most times

hold on to your truths

to change most minds

and for those not with us anymore 

may our hearts always be your wombs

for as long as they keep beating

you won't be erased we'll keep fighting for you 

our community is powerful 

made up of hurting individuals

working to redefine the world

proving that our lives are so meaningful

so we've gotta keep each other closer

cause most times its all we've got

need to hold space for one another 

while we unlearn all we've been taught

and hug our monsters gently 

like a baby that has never been held

allow ourselves to never be a stranger

because the beast you buried is the richest part of you