Project 4 Artist Statement. 12.10.2014

(A)PATHETIC, Project IV
Alyssa Dulay
*My file was also too large to post to Vimeo.

I feel that performance pieces are a perfect opportunity to convey ideas of introspection: the artist is putting themselves on the line and physically adhering themselves to the art.  It is my opinion that people are products of their upbringing, and I wanted to use this opportunity to comment on my personal experiences growing up trying to constantly appease different people. My mother has always been adamant about me constantly looking my best, regardless of the company. I was a harlot if I tried too hard, and I was a bum if I didn’t try hard enough.  In my other ear, my father insisted that I be the best at everything I attempted. Whether it was board games, my academics, or a race up the driveway, there was an inherent disappointment if I didn’t throw my heart and soul into everything I did. These, and other facets merge and conflict when it comes to my discovering my own identity.

This conflict is what I wanted to explore in my performance piece. There is an evident challenge in being a cutthroat competitor, while at the same time retaining a feminine composure. Therefore, I wanted to give my piece a more frustrated and animalistic resolve.  My performance takes place in a bathtub. I chose this setting because I felt that there was certain sense of intention when you climb into a bathtub clothed: it just doesn’t happen on accident. There is also a subconscious sense of cleansing from a bathtub, which is what I felt this piece would do for me. We find my character delicately seated on the floor of the tub, inquisitively examining a bouquet of flowers. One by one, she plucks off the delicate petals and watches them cascade to the floor. The audience watches as her resolve transforms from curious, to despaired, to frustrated, and then ultimately cracked in an assumed animalistic insanity. Along with the bouquet of flowers, my props include gold and a pinkish-red acrylic paint. I wanted to add a substance with a bit of viscosity to add some texture to the work, while adding some aesthetic contrast in color. The pinkish-red symbolizes not only feminism and the pressure to remain composed in adversity, but also the pain it causes to do so.

I did my research on my flower of choice, chrysanthemums, and they are said to represent, honesty, clarity, and intuition in Chinese culture. In Japanese culture, they are commonly used in funeral arrangements and represent truth and grief. My piece ultimately represents the classic “love me, love me not” plucking of flower petals. However, rather than a game of chance, my character looks at these flowers as “for every person that loves me, there is one that does not.” She struggles to come to terms with disappointing so many people, and these emotions transform her into a creature much more confident, apathetic, and independent. I titled this piece (A)PATHETIC because of the feminine obligation to constantly act with compassion towards others. Therefore, it would seem logical that a lack of emotion would be masculine or strong. To be taken seriously in business, one has to be either seen with a stoic clarity or seen as weak and clouded with emotion. In the end of my piece, I overcome all my conflicting emotions, compose myself, and presumably move forward.

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